Deductions from a Magic Blue Box
by tabbykatification
Summary: It's really a Doctor Who/Sherlock/Harry Potter crossover but I'm only allowed to have 2 shows. Basically, Jenny steals the TARDIS and they go all around the universe. Main characters are Anderson, Astrid, Bem, Jenny, Jethro, Howie, Oliver Wood and Nigel.
1. Chapter 1

Deductions from a Magic Blue Box.

"So... where do you want to start?" Jenny looked around the control room at her companions' bemused expressions. Her dad had taught her how to fly the TARDIS a couple of days ago. When he was asleep, Jenny had flown it anywhere and everywhere.

Just for fun.

She had realised that the Doctor often travelled with the oddest of people for the oddest of reasons.

She had not, however, realised that within ten minutes of travelling she would be standing in the control room with three wizards, two teenage boys, and a man from Scotland Yard and a girl named Astrid.

"Can we go to Earth?" asked Astrid. "I've only been there once and that time there were no people around and it was really fun because it was an alien planet but I was only there for a minute and then I died."

"You too, eh?" sighed Howie.

"Astrid, no-one said we wouldn't go" said the wizard called Oliver Wood.

"Shut up, Oliver" said Jenny. "Astrid, of course we can go. Maybe later, though."

"I wanna go see dinosaurs!" cried Anderson. Jethro stopped flirting with Howie and smiled at this idea. Howie, however, did not like it one bit.

"Oh no no no no _no_! I am not doing that! Do you think I _want_ to get eaten alive? I've seen Jurassic Park, y'know. I'm staying right here."

"Well, if Howie's not going then I'm not going," said Jethro.

"No-one's going. It's a stupid idea!" said Jenny. Everyone was thinking _Yeah, and so is stealing your dad's time machine and travelling the universe with a group of random strangers _but none of them said anything.

"But... I wanted to go see the dinosaurs :( " said Anderson, a sad look upon his face. "I've always wanted to meet real proper dinosaurs."

"Hey, how about Anderson goes to see dinosaurs and we stay in the TARDIS?" said Bem, a Nigerian wizard who hadn't said much but didn't need to because he was too badass and cool.

"Yeah," smiled Jenny "that's a good idea." Obviously she was hoping that Anderson would get eaten by a t-rex but he wouldn't realise that because he's Anderson.

Anderson's eyes filled with joy and he said "Really? JENNY YOU ARE AMAZING LET ME LOVE YOU!" and he ran over to hug her.

Jenny ignored him and started pressing random buttons on the TARDIS console (the Doctor had taught her, remember, so it's not like she actually knew how to fly it because he didn't either) hoping that it would get her to the right place. Once it landed (she left the brakes on because everyone leaves the brakes on except River Song) she checked the scanners and they said that it was 300000000BC.

"Okay, Anderson, here we are!"

"OMG OMG OMG SFJKHDFJKHDJFKHSDFLDSFK!" cried Anderson, rushing out the doors and subsequently gasping at his surroundings.

Dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs everywhere.

It was like he was in heaven except dinosaurs instead of angels so not really like heaven at all.

"Bye!" said Jenny, closing the TARDIS doors and dematerialising.

"Mm yeah whatever," mumbled Anderson without paying attention. He was staring at all the _beautiful _dinosaurs: t-rexes, stegosauruses, triceratopses, pterodactyls (Anderson gets totally turned on by pterodactyls), when suddenly...


	2. Chapter 2

Deductions from a Magic Blue Box.

_Back in the TARDIS..._

"So, you've met the Doctor before too?"Jethro asked Howie.

"Um, yeah. Some bad stuff happened," said Howie, not looking at Jethro.

"Yeah? Same with me."

"Really? What happened?"Howie asked.

"I cried and I was in the middle of nowhere,"

"I got kidnapped by a creepy '80s hotel while I was on tumblr and got possessed by an alien minotaur and died."

"...Cool," he replied.

After a while they got bored of sitting in the TARDIS doing nothing so they decided to go get Anderson. They did not expect to see what they saw when they opened the blue TARDIS doors (lol that rhymes).

Anderson was sitting on the sandy ground cradling the most adorable velociraptor anyone had ever seen. It was about the size of a puppy and it was affectionately licking Anderson's face.

"Anderson, what the hell is that?" yelled Jenny.

"He's not an 'it', he's a 'he'. His name's Bitey and he's a baby velociraptor and he's my baby and you're not allowed anywhere near him because he's _mine_!"

"Barney, put down the dinosaur and get in the TARDIS. Now," said Jenny cautiously.

"Don't call me that! You know I don't like people using my first name!"

Jethro stepped out of the TARDIS and grinned at the sight of the velociraptor. "Oh, that is _so cool_!" he exclaimed, walking over to it "Can we keep it?" Jethro asked Jenny.

"No!"

Anderson's eyes filled with tears and he said "But, Jenny, Bitey is my baby and I love him and you can't take me away from him I _love_ him!"Anderson then ran towards the TARDIS, bringing Bitey with him, but was stopped by Jenny. "Please..." he whispered, a single tear rolling down his cheek "Let me take him with me."

Jethro was crying and Nigel was crying and Howie was almost crying and Bem was sitting in the TARDIS playing Mario Kart. It was sad.

"No Anderson you cannot keep the baby velociraptor," Jenny said firmly.

"FINE THEN I DON'T NEED YOU I'M GONNA GO LIVE MY OWN LIFE WITHOUT YOU AND I WILL FIND A GORGEOUS DINOSAUR BOYFRIEND AND HE WILL BE MINE FOREVER!" shouted Anderson with tears running down his face. "I don't need you anyway..."

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** **Yeah. Thanks to whydontyougofuckadinosaur and andersons-dinosaur for the awesome Anderson/dinosaurs tumblr spam.**

**.net/s/7486612/1/**

**Read that. It's an Anderson/dinosaur fic and it's way better than mine.**


	3. Chapter 3

Deductions from a Magic Blue Box.

Anderson ran and ran until he couldn't see the TARDIS anymore. He panicked for a second when he realised that he'd left Bitey behind, but soon realised that the baby velociraptor was running along by his side.

"I'm sorry, Bitey. We could've run away in the TARDIS and we could've gone to France or Disneyland or Pigfarts and we could travel the universe together. But Jenny..."Anderson started crying and he sat down on a rock. Bitey curled up on Anderson's lap.

Suddenly he heard a noise. Bitey jumped up and said "Rawr?" but Anderson heard "What's that?" because he'd been inside the TARDIS and it translates things (even dinosaur).

A bigger, scarier, slightly less sexually attractive dinosaur appeared and stomped over to Anderson. It looked like it was about to eat him... (lol this is a terrible cliffhanger but idgaf)

_Back on the TARDIS..._

"Y'know, Jenny, you really upset Anderson back there. Don't you think you should find him and apologise?" asked Oliver Wood.

"STFU BITCH I DO WHAT I WANT YOU'RE NOT MY BOSS!" shouted Jenny.

"Lol guess it's that time of the month,"Bem said with a smile.

_Meanwhile..._

Anderson had met his new best friend. His name was Pickford and he was a dinosaur and perhaps Anderson loved him _even_ more than Bitey (if that's possible).

They would be best friends forever.

**Author's note: Okay so thanks for reviews and everything and extra thanks to penworthy, gleekingdoctorgryff and stormageddons-peasant.**

**And extra thanks to whydontyougofuckadinosaur and andersons-dinosaur for the tumblr Anderson/dinosaurs thing.**

**Also thanks to sooty-the-fat-cat for the title.**

**And I'll stop now before I end up saying thanks to everyone on tumblr.**

**EDIT: Also, there will be more, I'm just too lazy to write right now.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Deductions from a Magic Blue Box.**

"Let's go get Anderson," said Jenny and then she did some cartwheels or something.

The landed the TARDIS, opened the doors and looked out. They were supposed to have landed where they'd left Anderson before he ran off, but instead they were on Earth, looking at a gigantic castle.

"Hogwarts?"said Bem. "I thought you said we were going to get Anderson?"

"Stfu Bem I'm trying to think," said Jenny.

_You dumbasses. We're at Hogwarts because I sensed some timey-wimey bad stuff, _said the TARDIS except she didn't really say it, because she can't talk, she just gets inside their brains.

"Oh so there's something happening to time at Hogwarts?" they asked.

_Well yeah that is what I just said, _said the TARDIS.

"Well wh-"

"HOLY CRAP THERE'S A DRAGON" said Astrid.

A white dragon with enormous wings swooped across the sky, with a boy who looked kind of like Jethro riding on top of it.

"lol hi" said the dragon and then it flew away.

"...Well that was weird."

They walked through Hogwarts, past the Great Hall, past Lily and Snape, past a Gryffindor transfiguration class and past the class where Dumbledore was teaching Sherlock Defence Against the Dark Arts (because everyone knows that when Sherlock was at Hogwarts he was bad at Defence Against the Dark Arts so he had to have extra lessons during lunch)

"Wait wut?" said Oliver Wood. "Shit's got weird."

Addressing the TARDIS, Jenny said "Is this what you meant by 'timey-wimey bad stuff'"

_Yeah, _said the TARDIS.

"But how did you know that something was happening to time?"

_Bitch please; I latch onto timey-wimey stuff like Anderson onto dinosaurs,_ she said.

**Author's note: Well that was a bad ending but whatever. **

**Reviews are much appreciated!**

**Next chapter will be up at some point if I can be bothered to write it.**


	5. Chapter 5

"oh fuck." Jenny checked the scanners of the TARDIS. "Anderson's about to die."

"JENNY YOU IDIOT WHY DID YOU LEAVE ANDERSON ON THE DAY THE DINOSAURS GET WIPED OUT?" cried Oliver Wood

"Where are Howie and Jethro?"

"Having sex," replied Bem.

"Okay."

_-Meanwhile on Earth, with Anderson-_

"ANDERSON GET THE FUCK IN THE TARDIS AND _LEAVE_ THE VELOCIRAPTOR" and then she grabbed him and pulled him into the TARDIS, leaving Bitey behind, all on his own...

_-In the TARDIS-_

Astrid saw Anderson sitting alone in the TARDIS, crying.

"Anderson, are you okay?" she asked politely.

"No. :( Bitey's gone..." he whispered, then started crying again. Oliver Wood saw him crying and walked over to him.

"But Anderson, what would your wife think? That you're cheating on her with both Sally _and_ a baby velociraptor?"

"Fuck off, Oliver."

**Author's note: Poor Anderson and Bitey :( They're like the Romeo and Juliet of the crackfic world.**

**Thanks for the reviews, everyone! :D **


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